What if
I don't understand my British colleague's joke.
They seem confused but keep quiet.
I don't understand some of their statements.
I have to ask them to repeat it because they speak too fast.
I don't achieve my goal in the meeting.
I don't have enough vocabulary knowledge.
The list of everything 'wrong' with you is endless. The responsibility of being fluent in English is a heavy burden to bear. But you have to hold on.
You blame yourself for any misunderstanding or miscommunication that occurs.
It is me
who must make myself clear.
who needs to understand.
who should have the right vocabulary.
who should apologize for mistakes.
who must understand the joke.
who should feel humble.
If you always feel like you are the problem when there is a misunderstanding or lack of communication in English, you will never regain your self-confidence. You will feel like an outsider who is always lonely.
Sure, you can sign up for English courses, grammar workshops, and conversation clubs but they don't change the way you see yourself.
But why?
Because speaking fluent, grammatically perfect, and understandable English can ultimately make you feel good; however, they are just tools.
You don't have to do this on your own. You need your user manual, which in your case is your colleague, client, or friend.
You need them to cooperate with you to achieve your shared goal. You need them to share the responsibility of communicating with you.
What can you do?
Let's take an objective look at the scenarios at the beginning of this article. Take yourself and your English out of the equation, then think of an alternative reason for the lack of communication and try something else.
1. Is your purpose not clear?
Some people need to hear a message more than once. Don't think it's your fault.
Try this: Ask what part they don't understand and make it clear for them.
2. Do they look confused?
It could be that your point is complex and needs to be elaborated, or that they were not listening in the first place. It is possible.
Try this: Acknowledge their look and ask them what they think of your point.
3. A particular cultural expression?
Too often, people forget who they're talking to and assume that everyone can understand them. It's a natural mistake we all make. However, if we want to communicate effectively and across cultures, we need to be aware of how we communicate. The important thing is not to make assumptions. You can help them realize this.
Try this: Gently remind them that you're not (or don't have to) be familiar with this expression, and ask them to explain.
4. Unknown joke?
Jokes are difficult to understand, especially if they are culture-specific and we need to be aware of it.
Try this: Admit that you don't understand the joke and ask them to explain it again. Or, you can just ignore it, especially if the person is annoying!
5. Does he want to repeat because he speaks fast?
Some people are unaware of how fast they speak. It's up to you to slow them down. That's what you can say without apologizing first.
Try this: "My English is good, but I understand better when people speak slowly. were you saying...?"
Conclusion
The moment you accept that effective communication goes beyond words and requires collaboration, you will begin to see yourself as a solution, not the problem.
